Redesign an Everyday Object

So I have this old keyboard.

It's a Casiotone MT-100, and it was released in the mid 1980s. And man, it sure does sound like it.

But I feel like it's missing something...

Hold on a minute...

Yeah, NOW we're talkin'! 

LOST: Reward Offered

Pay Your Respects

So in the historical part of downtown Northport, if you drive down Main Avenue towards the river and park at the bend in the road, walk under the railroad tracks, and climb up the hill and over the walking track, you'll run across this thing sitting down at the bottom of the other side of the hill.

Obviously it's some kind of marker, but I have no idea what kind, and I have no idea who to ask. There are markings carved into both sides.

The front reads:

S 22

1858

May 7

TBSM

The back reads:

S

16

T

21

R

10W

1858

I don't know what to make of this. Is it some kind of marker set there when the town was founded? Does it have something to do with the nearby railroad tracks? That doesn't look like a 154 year old railroad bridge to me, but then again I don't know a damn thing about trains.

There's another possibility that crossed my mind, though. Could it be some kind of slave grave marker? I'm not sure if it was even a custom to mark the graves of enslaved men and women, but since it's dated three years before the civil war began it would fit chronologically, at least. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Who knows? But I left some flowers there anyway. Just in case. I doubt anybody else has.

How do I want to be remembered? As somebody who did something worth remembering. I'm not big on religion, so I'd want as non-religious of a funeral as possible, if any at all. Donate as many of my organs as are useful to science and burn the rest, I say. I certainly won't be needing them. 

If somebody had a cheap little plaque made, that would be nice too. Something simple, like:

Tim Sutton

He did the best he could.

That would be quite nice.

Consumer Warning

So Best Buy, being the quality con artists they are, like to sell HDMI cables. For a lot of money. Way TOO much money.

In fact, because of my lack of foresight, this label ended up being inaccurate. Because at Best Buy, there was no "over there." ALL the cables were expensive. I guess I should have seen that coming.

First of all, I need to explain what these do, for anyone who isn't a NERD. HDMI cables are now the new standard cables for high-definition video, both for cable television and Blu-Ray players (as well as hooking up your computer to your TV and all that other jazz). Remember the three-pronged red, white and yellow cables for your DVD player? They're the next step up from that.

Now there are some companies, like Monster, that realize they can make some good cash off of these. It isn't out of the ordinary to find Monster HDMI cables for $100 or more. And the reason this is total horseshit is because, unless you're trying to run a projector 60 feet away from your television that displays formats that aren't even used yet, there is no difference between these and the $5 cables you can find off Amazon. 

My source: Gizmodo: The Truth About Monster Cable, Part 2 (Verdict: Cheap Cables Keep Up…Usually)

NOW YOU KNOW

PROJECT TWO: INTERTEXTUALITY

Breaking Bad (2008 - Present) - Genre: Television

FOUR HORIZONTAL INTERTEXTUAL CONNECTIONS

Twin Peaks (1990 - 1991) - Genre: Television
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098936/

Twin Peaks was important, not necessarily because it influenced the story of Breaking Bad, but because it laid the groundwork for shows like it to be made in the first place. Twin Peaks was the first television show to follow a consistent story arc across an entire season (as opposed to each episode being self-contained), and without it, Breaking Bad may not have existed at all.

The X-Files (1993 - 2002) - Genre: Television
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106179/

The X-Files's relevance to Breaking Bad is two-fold: not only did it help develop and expand the television storytelling devices pioneered by Twin Peaks, but it also featured as one of its head writers (later on, at least) Vince Gilligan, the creator of Breaking Bad.

The Sopranos (1999 - 2007) - Genre: Television

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0141842/

Tony Soprano might have been the spiritual ancestor of Walter White. Although Walter White starts off as a likable character, by the end of the fourth season, he has essentially become a villain. And yet, the audience roots for him anyway. This sort of anti-hero character was probably inspired by The Sopranos.

The Wire (2002 - 2008) - Genre: Television
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0306414/

Whenever one thinks about television shows about the drug trade, it's impossible not to mention The Wire. The dramatic peek into the dark underbelly of Baltimore's drug scene is reminiscent of Breaking Bad's.

FOUR VERTICAL INTERTEXTUAL CONNECTIONS

-Traffic (2000) - Genre: Film

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0181865/

The visual style of the show was heavily influenced by this film: in scenes that take place in Mexico, digital color grading is used to give the picture a tan, dusty look. In Breaking Bad, this same technique is used.

-Scarface (1983) - Genre: Film

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086250/

Breaking Bad's story of an insignificant man's rise to the top of a massive drug trade is not a hard parallel to draw between it and Scarface. In fact, it is referenced at one point in the show's fifth season: Walter White is shown watching the film with his teenage son, at one point saying "Everybody dies in this movie." Since the show still has half of a season left to go, and knowing the show's creators, this is probably foreshadowing.

-United States healthcare policies

If the United States had a healthcare system like that of, say, Great Britain, then this show could not exist. The entire premise of the show is that Walter White, a high school chemistry teacher, is diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. He knows that he cannot afford the treatment, and starts cooking meth in order to afford his treatment and support his family after his death.

-New Mexico

The show takes place in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and the city and its surrounding geography play a major role in both the visual style and story of the show (the threat of the Mexican cartels looms over the DEA through much of the show's run).

TWO PUBLIC TERTIARY TEXTS

Emily Nussbaum - Television Critic, The New Yorker

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/television/2012/08/27/120827crte_television_nussbaum

"The show has shed its original skin, that of the antihero drama, in which we root for a bad boy in spite of ourselves. Instead, it’s more like the late seasons of “The Sopranos,” the first show that dared to punish its audience for loving a monster." 

Erik Kain - Contributor, Forbes

http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2011/11/21/six-reasons-why-breaking-bad-is-the-best-show-on-television/

"But there’s something so much more addictive and alluring and real about the misadventures of Walter White that just wasn’t present with that other famous anti-hero of modern television, Tony Soprano. Unlike Tony, we don’t know what to expect. And we can’t wait to find out."

ONE PRIVATE TERTIARY TEXT

https://twitter.com/Anthanylolol/status/263116047941521412

"S/O to the guy dressed up as Walter White and dropping bags of blue rock candy"

There's a Picture Opposite Me of My Primitive Ancestry (Most Distant Living Ancestor)

Unfortunately I can't trace my ancestry back to a primitive state (although that would be pretty aweseome), only to the 1600s. With my dad's assistance, I was able to trace back the ancestry of my paternal grandmother, Dorothy Sutton née Patnode. Apparently the Patnodes are traceable pretty far back. According to Ancestry.com, my grandmother's family can be traced back all the way to a man named Nicolas Patenostre, who was born in 1587 in Berville-en-Caux, Rouen, Normandie, France and died in 1644. Unfortunately that's all the information given.

Now his son, on the other hand, DOES have some information that is at least mildly interesting. His son's name was also Nicolas, and he was born in 1626, also in Berville-en-Caux. Now this younger Nicolas decided to emigrate to Quebec, i.e. "New France" around 1650, thus establishing how at least one portion of my ancestors arrived on this wacky continent in the first place.

It appears that he learned the trade of cloth merchant, but he never actually practiced. I feel like with all the other hobbies and skills I've taken up over the years, only to forget them later, I can relate to that somehow.

According to the source on Ancestry.com, he was a landowner; he bought land, fixed it up, and then sold it. Later in life, he and the rest of his family moved to an island called  Ile d'Orleans, which doesn't appear to have changed much.

Since one of my dreams is to disappear to a far-off countryside, or some sort of remote place, later in life, I can definitely relate to this.

One of the lines in the account says "Nicolas and Marguerite seemed to be good-hearted people. peaceful, generous and appreciated." 

At least I'm not descended from thieves or something then, I suppose.

The Eleventh Commandment

COMMANDMENT THE ELEVENTH

THOU SHALT NOT BREAK ONE OF THESE COMMANDMENTS
TO PUNISH OTHERS WHO ARE BREAKING SAID COMMANDMENTS

FOR REAL YOU GUYS, THAT'S MY JOB

JUST GO BACK TO WORK OR SOMETHING

Whoops

Yes, I'll admit, I was one of those people finishing up blog posts at the last minute before the mid-term. However, at least I'd posted all six.

Or so I thought. 

When I logged on to type the newest entry, I was greeted on my screen with this:

Apparently I either forgot to publish The Eleventh Commandment altogether, or something tech-related happened and my efforts proved fruitless. I'm tempted to believe the latter because the image I had put in the post was missing when I checked it.

So I present The Eleventh Commandment in all its original glory.

Whoops.

My Last Meal on Death Row

So I've done something heinous. Maybe I've blown up the Federal Reserve (ALL of them). Do they even hand out death sentences for that? Well if they do, then that's what happened to me. So I get ushered into the prison's tiny little dining facility; I'm thinking one of those interrogation rooms like on TV, so they can watch me eat through the two-way mirror to make sure I don't try to use my fork as some kind of weapon and escape. Then they ask me what I want. And I say:

1. BEVERAGE

Surge

Why? Because I haven't had one of these bastards since 1998 and if I'm about to get murdered by the government then by golly this dinner is going to have a nostalgia theme.

2. Entree

Cajun Turkey Sandwich

From first grade until about fifth grade, my mother would pack me a lunch that would consist of a juice box, a bag of chips, and a cajun turkey sandwich. I don't know why, because she absolutely hated the smell of that turkey. Every morning she'd pile it between two slices of cheap white bread with a look of disgust usually only reserved for my report cards.

3. Side dishes

Doritos 3Ds

What? What do you mean they don't make these anymore? YOU JUST ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED, OFFICER MEATNECK, IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO NAVIGATE A GODDAMN KROGER'S.

4. Desserts

Dunkaroos

Sure they were cheap shitty cookies that came with cheap shitty frosting, but they were MY cheap shitty cookies.

Bottle Caps

Now let me just make sure we're clear here. I want you to go down the street to Big Lots, and I want you to buy every single box of Bottle Caps that they have. Massive, massive quantities. These are not just candies, they are a way of life. They are the most delicious treats in the history of history, and by limiting my consumption of said treats might be egregious enough to violate the Geneva Convention.

I have to have these.

Now then, NUTRITION FACTS

1. Surge - 170 calories, 42 g sugar per can x 4 = 680 calories, 168 g sugar
2. Turkey sandwich - 400 calories, fully loaded
3. Doritos 3D - 270 calories per pouch
4. Dunkaroos - 120 calories, 19 g sugar per pouch x 4 = 480 calories, 76 g sugar
5. Bottle Caps - 50 calories, 11 g sugar per "serving" x 20 = 1000 calories , 220 g sugar

TOTAL:

2830 calories, 464 g sugar

My plan is to be in a sugar coma before they even stick the needle in.

Eight Colors in my Crayon Box

1. Malaise - That feeling that no matter what I'm doing with my life, I'm still not doing enough
2. Sunsplosion Orange - For when a new idea explodes into my consciousness.
3. Hot Blooded Red - Because I've got a fever of one hundred and three.
4. The Blue of Mystery - Because I never know what might happen to me next. Especially at night.
5. Asparagus - Because it's delicious with steak.
6. Estranged Sunrays - Because I spend too much time indoors, sometimes I forget what it looks like.
7. Punch-Up Pink - Because I punch up a lot of scripts for the web series I work on.
8. Sangria - For when I occasionally write while at Olive Garden.

Text and Reply

The Love (of your life) Note

I never was very good at romance.

Introduction

Good morning.

My name is Timothy Sutton.

Ever since I could remember, I wanted to make movies.

When I was in high school, I planned on going to film school.

But then I got rejected from film school.

The University of Alabama offered me a full ride, so I went there instead.

There my dream of making movies died.

I didn't have any idea what I wanted to do with my life, so my first year of college was full of mistakes.

During my second year, I decided to major in something more "respectable."

So I chose physics. And I failed at it.

So I chose electrical engineering. And I failed at it.

So I chose computer science. And I failed at it.

And yet somewhere along the line, my dream of making movies had creeped up on me without realizing it.

About 3 years ago, a good friend of mine mine said, "I'm making these scary videos for the internet.

"Would you like to help me out?"

And I said:

"Sure."

It was a series on Youtube called Marble Hornets.

I showed up and acted in an episode. I was just another side character.

But then I kept coming back. Again. And again. And again.

It got unexpectedly popular.

REALLY unexpectedly popular.

And things started going my way for a change.

So I decided that I would pursue filmmaking full-time.

And now I've been able to help make things like this:

And also things like this:

Things are looking up.

Thank you for reading.